written by: cyn
so i know it’s been awhile since i blogged faithfully, and i am honestly still struggling with the whole idea of being a “regular” blogger again, but i thought i would start the process by sharing some truths i have come to realize since i last was one of them there “regular” bloggers!
truth: going back to school is farkin’ hard!
SCHOOL IS FARKIN’ HARD
i don’t care what subject you are studying, where you are studying, or whether you are a full or part-time student… the truth is, this shit is NO JOKE!
i knew i was making a HUGE commitment and please know it is NOT one i regret in the least, BUT…
this shit is not for the weak.
and my program (registered medical assistant) is VERY intense!
i go to school from 8am – 1pm, monday – friday, and attend FIVE classes a day.
currently i take medical terminology, two clinical classes, anatomy & physiology and a medical assisting class (the administrative portion of my profession-to-be).
i spend an average of 1-2 hours (sometimes wayyyyyyy more) a night doing homework and studying — which in a house with five people can be tricky to say the least.
yes, i may be attending a “tech school” but do not think for a second that i am not receiving a university level education.
for all intense purposes — at this juncture of my education — i feel as though i am at LEAST working as hard as someone trying to get their pre-requisites for nursing school, if not harder.
then again, it’s been a million years since i took a college course and certainly not with a family of six to worry about.
truth: i farkin’ LOVE school!
yes, it’s intense, and hard, and crazy, and because i go with mostly women — dramarama town sometimes, but i LOVE it!
i love my teachers.
i love my fellow students.
i love the subject matter.
i just love it!
truth: I LOVE SCRUBS!
wearing scrubs is da-shit!
seriously, it is like wearing pajamas to school every day!
i read something recently written by a nurse who said she stopped wearing waist-tie scrubs because after a few months of basically living and working in what is essentially PJ’s — none of her clothes fit!
i’m pushing maximum capacity in the clothes i can fit into now – ain’t nobody got time or the funds for DAT!
which brings me to my next truth!
truth: i caught a reflection (poor as it may have been) of myself in our 55″ TV and didn’t recognize myself.
yeah, i gained this 25-30 lbs (depends on the day) over a year ago and at least i can say that i have maintained and not let the added pounds double — but the truth is — i am SO uncomfortable with myself at this weight.
truth: i weigh 195-200 lbs.
that was hard to admit — never mind type somewhere that ANYONE can read it.
but it’s the truth.
in one of my clinical classes at school we’ve learned to take vitals — blood pressure, respiration, pulse, etc. also part of that particular clinical is learning how to properly weigh and measure a patient on a good old fashioned medical floor scale (if it has a technical medical name — hell if i know it!). you know the kind that is calibrated and PAINFULLY accurate.
not that i wasn’t aware of the ballpark of what i weigh.
trust me — I KNOW!
but part of our training is practicing all of these clinical procedures on other students and of course having them practiced on you.
i’m 5’7 1/2″ — clearly i am not going to weigh 100 lbs and honestly, i am not overly embarrassed about being weighed by my fellow students.
but gah… day after day and well… reality sets in and you literally have to face the fact that not only are you at a uncomfortable (and unhealthy) weight — but truth is — YOU LOOK IT!
i got that dubious fact shoved in my face via our GINORMOUS tv and a photo taken of me a week ago with the redheadedposse.
enough fooling myself that i don’t look that different because i do!
truth: i have got to get my ass to the gym and control my diet!
i am sedentary and i eat garbage — end of story!
i know what i need to do… anyone who has followed my blog knows that i know what to do as i have done it and lost 75 lbs at one point!
i am just unsure of how to get outta this slump i am in?
i am unhappy at this weight and how i feel because most of the time i am fatigued, my joints hurt and nothing fits!
and yes i know all the stuff about loving yourself the way you are — if i were reading this it is exactly what i would probably tell the person writing it… BUT, i am just not happy where i am both physically and mentally.
i miss feeling fit and being comfortable in my own skin!
truth: i am setting goals regarding how unhappy i am about my present physical condition and by golly i am sticking to them — so expect my blogging to go back to health related topics and my journey to get this weight BACK off me again!
i am currently working on my goals — they shall have their own post — because well, they deserve it!
truth: i cannot believe summer is more than half over.
obviously school is taking up a good portion of my free time — but i have literally been in the pool about three times and haven’t even came remotely close to the beach.
before i know it summer will be behind us and the hustle and bustle of fall, back to school for the kids, the holidays, the fall birthdays and ALL that will be upon us!
the ONLY good thing about that is that it brings me closer to graduation and entering the healthcare profession!!!!
truth: i completely regret writing that post (since deleted) about my marital woes a few months ago.
it was not cool on so many levels but mainly because it was written out of frustration and obviously in haste as i am clearly still married and working on it.
i know i hurt my husband by writing that post — and that was shitty.
i didn’t write it with the intention of being shitty — i thought i was being honest and that it would help me deal with what i was feeling in that moment.
and yeah, it did, but at the expense of someone i love.
for that i am truly sorry.
despite our differences — he doesn’t deserve me making our life and the issues within it topic for my blog and it was in VERY poor taste for me to ever paint him in a bad light.
that is not typically my style.
i make a conscious effort to try to not speak out of anger — i need to learn to not blog out of anger as well!
truth: my marriage isn’t perfect, but then again no marriage is.
we have been seeking counseling and found an amazing woman to help us and honestly, that type of forum to actually work through our differences is VERY helpful.
i would recommend marriage counseling with the right counselor to ANYONE!
sadly though — since school started and with my homework and study load — we are not getting there as often as we would like to.
i need to make that a priority and haven’t.
that falls on me and not dean.
truth: the truth shall set you free.
what more is there left to say beside that.
blogging the truth and not my angered perception of the truth IS freeing!
truth: you haven’t heard the last of me!
peace, love and margaritas,