the truth shall set you free…

written by: cyn
wednesday 4pm

holla!

so i know it’s been awhile since i blogged faithfully, and i am honestly still struggling with the whole idea of being a “regular” blogger again, but i thought i would start the process by sharing some truths i have come to realize since i last was one of them there “regular” bloggers!

11164077_10205735171836602_1073351626_ntruth: going back to school is farkin’ hard!
SCHOOL IS FARKIN’ HARD
i don’t care what subject you are studying, where you are studying, or whether you are a full or part-time student… the truth is, this shit is NO JOKE!
i knew i was making a HUGE commitment and please know it is NOT one i regret in the least, BUT…
this shit is not for the weak.
and my program (registered medical assistant) is VERY intense!
i go to school from 8am – 1pm, monday – friday, and attend FIVE classes a day.
currently i take medical terminology, two clinical classes, anatomy & physiology and a medical assisting class (the administrative portion of my profession-to-be).
i spend an average of 1-2 hours (sometimes wayyyyyyy more) a night doing homework and studying — which in a house with five people can be tricky to say the least.
yes, i may be attending a “tech school” but do not think for a second that i am not receiving a university level education.
for all intense purposes — at this juncture of my education — i feel as though i am at LEAST working as hard as someone trying to get their pre-requisites for nursing school, if not harder.
then again, it’s been a million years since i took a college course and certainly not with a family of six to worry about.

truth: i farkin’ LOVE school!
yes, it’s intense, and hard, and crazy, and because i go with mostly women — dramarama town sometimes, but i LOVE it!
i love my teachers.
i love my fellow students.
i love the subject matter.
i just love it!

truth: I LOVE SCRUBS!

rockin' some scrubs

rockin’ some scrubs

wearing scrubs is da-shit!
seriously, it is like wearing pajamas to school every day!
BUT…
i read something recently written by a nurse who said she stopped wearing waist-tie scrubs because after a few months of basically living and working in what is essentially PJ’s — none of her clothes fit!
i’m pushing maximum capacity in the clothes i can fit into now – ain’t nobody got time or the funds for DAT!
which brings me to my next truth!

truth: i caught a reflection (poor as it may have been) of myself in our 55″ TV and didn’t recognize myself.
yeah, i gained this 25-30 lbs (depends on the day) over a year ago and at least i can say that i have maintained and not let the added pounds double — but the truth is — i am SO uncomfortable with myself at this weight.

truth: i weigh 195-200 lbs.
ouch.
that was hard to admit — never mind type somewhere that ANYONE can read it.
but it’s the truth.
11541250_10205696923480417_2019072090_nin one of my clinical classes at school we’ve learned to take vitals — blood pressure, respiration, pulse, etc. also part of that particular clinical is learning how to properly weigh and measure a patient on a good old fashioned medical floor scale (if it has a technical medical name — hell if i know it!). you know the kind that is calibrated and PAINFULLY accurate.
not that i wasn’t aware of the ballpark of what i weigh.
trust me — I KNOW!
but part of our training is practicing all of these clinical procedures on other students and of course having them practiced on you.
i’m 5’7 1/2″ — clearly i am not going to weigh 100 lbs and honestly, i am not overly embarrassed about being weighed by my fellow students.
but gah… day after day and well… reality sets in and you literally have to face the fact that not only are you at a uncomfortable (and unhealthy) weight — but truth is — YOU LOOK IT!
i got that dubious fact shoved in my face via our GINORMOUS tv and a photo taken of me a week ago with the redheadedposse.

WHO IS THAT WOMAN TO THE FAR RIGHT!?!?!?!

WHO IS THAT WOMAN TO THE FAR RIGHT!?!?!?!

enough fooling myself that i don’t look that different because i do!

11759070_10205949184106775_436865793_ntruth: i have got to get my ass to the gym and control my diet!
i am sedentary and i eat garbage — end of story!
i know what i need to do… anyone who has followed my blog knows that i know what to do as i have done it and lost 75 lbs at one point!
i am just unsure of how to get outta this slump i am in?
i am unhappy at this weight and how i feel because most of the time i am fatigued, my joints hurt and nothing fits!
and yes i know all the stuff about loving yourself the way you are — if i were reading this it is exactly what i would probably tell the person writing it… BUT, i am just not happy where i am both physically and mentally.
i miss feeling fit and being comfortable in my own skin!

truth: i am setting goals regarding how unhappy i am about my present physical condition and by golly i am sticking to them — so expect my blogging to go back to health related topics and my journey to get this weight BACK off me again!
i am currently working on my goals — they shall have their own post — because well, they deserve it!

dce058a4da592cbd818311679cb91cd1truth: blogging about ANY of my journeys always keeps me accountable and most of the time SUCCESSFUL!

11653486_10205764234043139_609077437_ntruth: i cannot believe summer is more than half over.
obviously school is taking up a good portion of my free time — but i have literally been in the pool about three times and haven’t even came remotely close to the beach.
before i know it summer will be behind us and the hustle and bustle of fall, back to school for the kids, the holidays, the fall birthdays and ALL that will be upon us!
the ONLY good thing about that is that it brings me closer to graduation and entering the healthcare profession!!!!

truth: i completely regret writing that post (since deleted) about my marital woes a few months ago.
it was not cool on so many levels but mainly because it was written out of frustration and obviously in haste as i am clearly still married and working on it.
i know i hurt my husband by writing that post — and that was shitty.
beyond shitty.11349821_10205747855713691_1952229267_n
i didn’t write it with the intention of being shitty — i thought i was being honest and that it would help me deal with what i was feeling in that moment.
and yeah, it did, but at the expense of someone i love.
for that i am truly sorry.
despite our differences — he doesn’t deserve me making our life and the issues within it topic for my blog and it was in VERY poor taste for me to ever paint him in a bad light.
that is not typically my style.
i make a conscious effort to try to not speak out of anger — i need to learn to not blog out of anger as well!

truth: my marriage isn’t perfect, but then again no marriage is.
we have been seeking counseling and found an amazing woman to help us and honestly, that type of forum to actually work through our differences is VERY helpful.
i would recommend marriage counseling with the right counselor to ANYONE!
sadly though — since school started and with my homework and study load — we are not getting there as often as we would like to.
i need to make that a priority and haven’t.
that falls on me and not dean.

truth: the truth shall set you free.
what more is there left to say beside that.
blogging the truth and not my angered perception of the truth IS freeing!

truth: you haven’t heard the last of me!

peace, love and margaritas,
cyn
xxoo

the why’s and the how’s

written by: cyn
friday 7pm

holla!

yeah, I know it’s been at least a millennium since i last wrote…
i could bore ya with the why’s and the how’s but truth is, i just don’t wanna!

so let me recap a little, because i miss blogging and i would much rather just write as if we had spoken yesterday…
is that okay with you?

RECAP:
dean and i are good — we’ve had some rough patches no doubt as marriage is hard work — even for two people who really love one another. but we work at it every day — sometimes more than others.
kids are all alive and well…
hunter moved out in april, which is still weird even three months later…
sky graduated kindergarten…
cameron graduated middle school…
peyton finished his freshmen year in college…
i started school in april and love it — 3.7 GPA PEEPS!
i gotta new car — bernadette, my adorable vw bug convertible
we survived all the birfdays — seems like april through june it’s NON STOP!
major holidays survived…
i just recently (as in last weekend) cut 8″ off my hair and joined the LOB revolution and LOVE it!
all our extended friends and family are good…
everyone is healthy.
i’m still up 25lbs but seriously VOWING to not only blog again (i need the accountability!!!) but to get back out there are RUN again!

but here is my little photo homage to what’s been going on in my life since my VERY long hiatus from bloggin!

see… told ya life was pretty damn good!

as i said, i am VOWING to get back to blogging… i really miss it, and i really miss documenting my life through it.
some day i won’t always be around and weirdly enough, this silly little blog is a part of my legacy!
so enough dickin’ around on my end… time to rejoin the planet!

(pssst… i missed y’all too!)

peace, love, and margaritas
cyn

where the eff ya been???

written by: cyn

hey party peeps… remember me?  yeah i barely do either truth be told.  but never fear… it is ME!

so how does one go from blogging pretty faithfully for four years to literally falling off planet earth? that’s a toughie and if i had a definitive answer you know i’d be all over that shit.  truth is… life got busy and bloggin’ took a back seat or twenty.

what propelled me to even write today?

nothing in particular and in all honesty, i completely forgot how to even navigate this site… so excuse me if this post is all over guam and back!

so how is life you ask?  gee… that would take me awhile to recap but i will give the highlights… IMHO at least.

  • 10432382_10202988590493785_616414897_npeyton graduated high school in june of last year and is currently in his second semester at a local community college not far from where we live.  he’s thriving and doing well although he is blindly taking classes without an ultimate goal in mind… but that is totally allowed in your freshman year.  hell, i spent the good majority of my life trying to figure out what i wanna be when i grow up!
  • skylar is in kindergarten, loves it and is doing amazingly!  she goes full time and it has been so good for her with all the stimulation and socializing.  as we all know, miss thing loves to socialize!10403228_10203558820429177_722869580873050061_n
  • hunter is still working his job at the home depot and informed me yesterday that he is moving out into his own apartment with a lifelong friend.  part of me weeps and another part is overjoyed for him. he and i don’t always see eye to eye (because we’re a lot alike) but i am so immensely proud of him!
  • i have not really ran since may of last year.  yeah, as in almost a year ago!  i injured myself (still haven’t seen a proper doc on that one) during the last half marathon i did (errrr…. attempted, i completed by literally hobbling across the finish line but another story for another time.) and running has been pretty much non-existent since then.  am i struggling with that reality?  fuck yeah i am.  it’s a mental battle and a half because running has been “my thang” for so long and i put so much into getting as far as i did and to have it taken away from me in literally one moment is a mind gang bang.  i hate not being able to run and because i let the “run or nothing” mentality take over… i am currently 30lbs heavier than the day i got married last january.   that is another mental battle in itself.  but i am working on that…  
  • speaking of married… married life is harder than i ever imagined.  yeah, i am admitting that.  blending families in harder than i ever imagined.  yeah, i am admitting that too.  can i say i am happily married?  no, sadly i cannot, and that is also something i am dealing with… needless to say, its been a very hard year. i have been put in the position to make hard choices —  those of which i am really not willing to divulge at this time.  but even just owning that i am struggling is a huge relief for me.  so thanks blogosphere for giving me that outlet.  oh and no need to fret… i have full faith that life WILL work out the way it is meant to be and i will be just honkey dorey!  (anyone who personally knows me in the real world… please refrain from making any public inquiries as to what any of this means… i will never discuss my relationships publicly — especially via facebook — so i ask ya’ll to respect that… besides, if i wanted you to know, you’d know!) 
  • i start school in april!  april 2nd to be exact and i am super excited about that.  i am taking a year long course to be a medical assistant — yeah me!  i know some people… as in some people in the medical field… feel compelled to go into health service, and i had that moment recently.  a calling if you will.  no, not from god — but dean recently had a incident (all is fine with him) where he was in the hospital and i was watching the nurses and what they do and i thought to myself… i could do that.  I SHOULD DO THAT!  two months later (and much debate over attending nursing school) here i am — less than a month away from starting school!  YAY ME!  let’s just pray i look good in scrubs!  (i am thinking bedazzling your scrubs is frowned upon, no?)
  • all the girls in the posse are doing fabulous… we are a lucky bunch to have one another.10349001_858712674169906_5862661190295723884_n
  • i dropped out of the beachbody business… not because i disliked it or believe it’s a rip off or wasn’t doing well.  my head wasn’t fully in it and as i mentioned earlier… i lost all fitness/diet/workout momentum after getting injured.  (if anyone sees my MoJo…send it my way… i miss that fucker!)  it was a bonehead move but i never claimed to be the brightest crayon in the box!
  • my depression is a weird topic.  i am currently off all medication, and while i am not okay per say (i still struggle with day to day stuff and staying organized and motivated)  — i truly think i am better than i was on it.  i know that makes NO SENSE… and is completely against my doctors recommendation, but it was tough there for awhile with all the side effects and i made a choice i thought was right for me.  in some ways i feel like i am more coherent than ever — in other ways, i fight daily.  it’s a fucked up battle and more times than not i am on the losing team.  but every now and again i score and it feels better than being medicated!
  • 10420358_10204746567162103_667350195981860347_nthis winter here in new england has been the worst ever.  i am sure everyone watches the news so i will spare ya with the details but WHAT THE FUCK… i have never seen this much snow in the 20+ years i have lived here and i have to admit that it is more depressing than missing powerball by one number!  i mean seriously mother nature… take a pill, get laid, get drunk… GET FUCKED!  do whatever it takes to be nice and at least let some seasonal weather in.  march 3rd and wading through four feet of snow is some serious bullshit if you ask me! HMMPH!

so that about sums it uip… not really, but enough that me being me… i can continue to blog from here out as if i were never gone for ALMOST A GOSH DARN YEAR…

it’s all about me after all, right?

*snort*

the weird thing is that i have thought about blogging for some time now… i think i was just scared to jump back into it without all the “LIFE IS GREAT” nonsense…which in itself is nonsense because i honestly do not know one person who isn’t struggling with at least ONE THING in their life.  yeah, so i have my hands full with some shit going on… but i have been down and out before and came back better than ever and have absolutely no doubts i can do it again!  i have a lot to wrap my head around both personally and not… but i am a redheaded ninja… a ginja — you can’t fuck with me for too long LIFE before i snap and nunchuck your ass to death!  and bitches be snappin’!

peace, love and margaritas bloggy peeps!  

cyn

*** feel free to comment and send me some love… ginja’s need love too yanno ;)

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE !

written by: mrs. duhamel
happy blustery wednesday kittens!

okay… let me just start this post by saying this much first.
spring — where the eff are ya?
i realize i live in rhode island and new england is notorious for bi-polar weather — but this is just some nutty shit!
coldest march in history…
we have blustery snow and frigid temps out there today and the rest of the week is forecast to be in the low 50s.
i am just DONE with the cold.
rant over…

other than the weather — i’m golden.

VERY golden as a matter of fact…
because yesterday, this happened!!!!967621_10202486638385296_684247878_n
AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!!!!!
i am OFFICIALLY registered for the DISNEY AVENGERS SUPER HERO HALF MARATHON !!!!
and for anyone interested who hasn’t registered — it is SOLD OUT!
registration opened at noon yesterday and by 12:40 when i went to register it was 90% sold out!
the 5k was totally sold out!
now even the kid’s races are sold out!
i knew this would be a race i needed to register for immediately but i truly did not expect it to be THIS much of a hot thing!
wowzers!

from what i understand and have read, you can still register but you would need to do it via a charitable group (link on the link i provided above) or travel providers.
how that all works — i just do not know?
but it is an option if ya missed registration yesterday.
and it’s just for the half marathon.

at any rate — i am just elated to have gotten mine in on time!
i was so crazy about it i accidentally registered twice!
yes twice!
errrr….
but one quick call to rundisney and that was taken care of!

now comes the travel plans.
thankfully i have a good connection (there again — anyone interested leave me a comment and i will get you her contact info) and i should have that underway ASAP!
it will just be dean and i making this trip — a long weekend trip across country no less — and i totally admit that i am already feeling IMMENSE guilt that we are going without the kids — especially the younger kids.
should my daughter find out we went to disneyland without her…
oh lordy!
i will be disowned…
FOREVER!

but it’s just not feasible to do this as a family…
and basically we will be there a mere two full days… so i am trying like hell to not let the guilt overshadow it all!
just pray skylar does not become privy to our plan!

in other news:
my new thought process of balancing my lifestyle with a healthy lifestyle is really coming along nicely…
i am not over-obsessing about it too much but it is a conscious process to some degree.
i am tracking on my fitness pal — when i think of it — and not mentally punishing myself when i don’t.
i know what i need to do and don’t necessarily feel like i need to obsess over an app to do it.
but it is nice to see stuff like this…

900 calories! w00ts!  (add me as a friend on MFP!)

900 calories! w00ts! (add me as a friend on MFP!)

this is what motivates me!

yesterday i went to planet fitness, for the first time since rejoining, with my BFF lisa…
it was a GREAT workout overall!10152962_10202486454740705_1254146089_n
i had the best feeling run i have had since the half marathon and it was on the DREADMILL no less.
i had no foot pain or shin pain or weird numbing sensation in my toes…
it was a nice clean run and i really felt unstoppable and actually worked my intervals as i should!
so a good day one for restarting my half marathon training!

after this past month of mediocre and painful runs i felt it best to just restart from day one…
because i would like to finish the avengers half in 2:30 or under!
with a run like yesterday — that’s totally doable!
and now that i have the treadmill option i have NO excuse to slack over the summer!

after the run, lisa and i did the circuit training (aka 30 minute express workout) and that was FABULOUS!
it has been SOOOOOO long since i have done ANY weight training and it made me realize how much i miss it.

lisa and i have made a pact to be workout buddies and hit the gym three times a week!
no set schedule — just a conscious choice to make the gym a priority in our week…
operation sexypants is in FULL effect!

it’s nice to have a gym buddy!
i haven’t had someone to workout with in way too long.
conflicting schedules, etc and it’s just hard to find someone who can workout the same times i do.
but lisa and i are committed to motivate and keep each other accountable.
so yay!!!

my plan was to get a short outdoor run in today (i still need the occasional outdoor runs in the hood with all the hills to keep me race ready) but with the wind gusts i decided it might be best to just not push it.
i could not be more ready for spring if i tried!!!!

my daughter -- frozen/"elsa braid" obsessed!

my daughter — frozen/”elsa braid” obsessed!

even if i don’t get a run in today — i am not going to beat myself up about it.
i really feel myself pushing that pushy need deep down these past two weeks…
it’s about progress and i need to trust the process.
pushing myself to extreme measures to meet some ideal i have created in my own head has NEVER really served the purpose i intended it to.
so instead i am pushing myself to “let it go”.
(yes, i know how sick people are of hearing about that song and the movie overall… but i live with an almost five year old who is OBSESSED with frozen to the point of having me braid her hair EVERY day and who sings the songs and watches the movie excessively… deal with it, i have to! plus i secretly love the movie and songs as much as she does… heh!)
i feel more in control by letting go of control…
my decisions to choose the things that better my life feel more like just a given fact that some over-thought choice that i internally battle over.
my head, heart and body thank me… trust me!

so that is how my week is progressing so far…
how is life out there in the blogosphere????

peace, love and margaritas,
cyn
xxoo

running, gyms, soup and tattoos…

written by: mrs.duhamel
happy monday monday kittens!

so yeah — almost another week in between posts.
SMH — no excuse… but here i am!
TA DAH!!!10009430_10202467974438709_975040286_n

so my new frame of mind in regards to fitness and diet are going decent… it’s a process to ween myself off of two months of just not giving a fuck but i am least giving half a fuck now.

10013898_10202445151708155_1423291280_ni got two runs in last week and made an effort to eat clean MOST of the time.
i also did rejoin planet fitness and will be hitting the gym TOMORROW with my girl lisa!
so i’m on the right track and feeling better about making conscious decisions to better my ALL AROUND health.
its progress and not perfection and i am happy with that.
in the words of jillian michaels, “perfect sucks — perfect is boring.”
werd jillian, WERD!

10009547_10202476449330576_1712614859_ni even broke out the crockpot and made my healthy version of ZUPPA TOSCANA — my most favorite soup in the world!
i would have made a whole post about it but i have done one on this recipe before and for some reason it is lost?
next time for sure…
i followed the recipe linked above but used turkey sausage, skipped the bacon, and used half and half in lieu of whipping cream.
in a word — DELISH!!!!!
just like olive garden’s but healthier and IMHO — better!

moving on…
so i did something SUPAH cool friday night…
i got my tattoo for my disney princess half marathon!!!!

i was VERY torn about what i wanted to get… i literally tossed around a million options — but ultimately went with what i wanted initially — ariel, the little mermaid!

outline getting done...

outline getting done…

color being added...

color being added…

FINISHED!  as you can see my arm is raw and swollen by my wrist... for me, a very painful spot to get tattooed -- as was the shading in her tail and hair.  but worth it!

FINISHED! as you can see my arm is raw and swollen by my wrist… for me, a very painful spot to get tattooed — as was the shading in her tail and hair. but worth it!

I LOVE IT!  of course i had to incorporate the 13.1 and i love this design that dean helped me create!

I LOVE IT! of course i had to incorporate the 13.1 and i love this design that dean helped me create!

taken today -- healing nicely and i just love it!  my first major tattoo and it's amazing!

taken today — healing nicely and i just love it! my first major tattoo and it’s amazing!

MAJOR thank you to anthony c. from RED’S TATTOO and BODY PIERCING in providence, RI for the amazing job!!!!

it’s funny — a month ago yesterday i ran the half marathon… although in some ways it seems a lifetime ago.
and tomorrow i will be signing up for my next one.1f4438827b67f7a172a6d8ad34a4e857
i keep pushing myself to race to keep me motivated to run… and with the ten miler in a little over a month & now this next half marathon, i think i will be golden!
especially with the treadmill option at planet fitness.
i prefer to run outdoors — but running on a treadmill versus not running at all works too!
plus the treadmill option motivates me to get to planet fitness to use the weight circuit.
there is a method to my madness as you can see…

oh and i also got my official race photos in the mail this past week…

woohoo look at me!

woohoo look at me!

just waiting on the frame — then i will decide which one to use — and that bad boy will be hanging in my office!

dean ordered me the frame on the sly — i think he is more proud of me running that race than i am.
if that’s even possible?

so yes — i feel like i am getting back to being in a better place.
things feel more balanced and i don’t feel so utterly frustrated all the time.
as much as i am keeping my distance from uber structured discipline… it’s nice to feel more in control of what i am doing.
its by choice and not because i feel forced.
and that feels really good!

peace, love and margaritas,
cyn
xxoo

all or nothing…

written by: mrs. duhamel
happy day after st. paddy’s kittens!

so with all the disney hub bub & kitty introductions behind me now – i’m free to get back to random writing – and i like it!
i wish i, in good faith, could say SO much has been going on but the truth is life has been pretty normal these days…
NORMAL!
did you hear that?????

what a refreshing place to be after MONTHS of utter chaos!

i was asked the other day if i was suffering from downer moments with all of the major events being behind me/us now.
to answer that — a ginormous NO!
no doubt we’re in an adjustment period still – acclimating two different families is never easy and certainly not the brady bunch – but it’s nice to just be and reprogram ourselves to this new life!

i am finally getting over an almost three week battle with the voodoo death flu.
i truly thought i would escape this winter unscathed but the VDF had other plans for me.
i started with a dull headache/meh feeling for a week and then about a week ago it hit me like a ton of bricks.
the chills, the body aches, the stuffy head, the feeling of imminent death…
or at least wishing for death.
it was classic VDF!
even now i am not 100% — but on the mend.

and of course being sick has seriously affected my running…
as in i am NOT running at all.
i tried to run about a week ago during the major onset of VDF and was shown who was boss, and it wasn’t me!

but being “off” and post disney princess half marathon has given me a lot of time to reflect and think about where i wanna go fitness/running/goals wise from here.
where do i wanna go???

i will get to that — but first i have to confess…
here goes…
i have gained about 12 lbs since the wedding.
yes as in less than two months.
how does one do such a thing you ask?
well… when you are basically not on track the three months prior to your wedding to the point that you “crash diet” to lose about 10lbs. to get into a wedding gown by a certain time and then suddenly throw ALL caution to the wind starting the day after the wedding — you WILL regain that “crash dieted” weight back VERY quickly and it WILL bring two or three or MORE of it’s friends with it!
so yeah while i am not very proud that i “crash dieted” because it goes against everything i believe in regarding health and fitness — i also think lying is utter bullshit.
so i am owning my shit for all to see!

but i wanna be clear on one thing…
i know i have said this before, but i am SOOOOO over the scale.
until a week ago i hadn’t stepped foot on it since my wedding day.
and i only stepped on it a week ago because suddenly my clothes feel tight.
like i needed to see that number to know i’ve gained weight?
i knew i had!
i could feel it when i run…
i could feel it in ALL my clothes…
i could see it clearly…
hell, even just sitting down now i can feel and see the difference.
but sometimes i do need the scale to snap me outta whatever fitness/eating funk i am in.
and to show me that these past almost two months of not giving a shit is starting to take its toll and take me back to a place i just don’t want to be!
as in sedentary… eating unhealthy… exhausted all the time… various aches and pains… not feeling good in my own skin… and tons of self doubt and regret!
who in their right mind wants to be THERE?
especially when you have been THERE before and know how uncool it is!

but i am going forward with a resounding determination to NOT have a goal weight.
because i am truly done being defined (in my own head more than anywhere else) by a stupid three digit number!

i want to shift my focus to my health — to my ALL AROUND health — and there lies the difference from any past declarations of the same!
and not in some fanatic form where i am cutting out entire food groups…
or committing to exercising “x” amount of days/hours per week…
or giving up drinking…
or jumping on whatever the latest health trend may be!
because decisive deprivation is no better than crash dieting…
and i can confidently say that from experience!
i have put myself on just as many STRICT outlined regimens as i have thrown caution to the wind.
and i just cannot be that ALL or nothing person anymore — because that does NOT help my all around health.

i am not discrediting what i have achieved with my past weight loss and certainly not with my running — i am just saying that the yo-yo methods of either being ALL in or ALL out just are not cutting it for me anymore…

and most of all — i am tired of that guilt i tend to feel at just about any given moment.
guilt over food choices or consumption…
guilt over not working out…
guilt over not running… or not running long or far enough…
i mean it’s literally maddening at times and enough to really make any efforts at all seem pointless because they will never be enough to me when i am in one of my ALL in moments.

so once again i am at that crossroads of finding the balance and because of that — i am NOT setting specific weight loss/running/fitness goals.
but i will say this…
i have several races coming up that i WANT (not need) to be prepared for.
i WANT to feel comfy in my clothes again.
i WANT to eat healthier and cook healthier for my family again.
i WANT to add some variety to my workouts.

but i also WANT the freedom to not feel so scheduled and regimented!
so i am banning myself from the home workouts that require i participate daily and/or by a schedule.
(sorry shaun t and jillian — ya know i heart ya long time!)
instead i am thinking of rejoining planet fitness so i have the weight circuit and other methods of cardio to cross train with when i WANT to.
not to mention the treadmill at planet fitness.
it’s my least favorite method of running — but sometimes the weather dictates i find an alternative method.
it would be nice to have that option!

so yeah — that’s where my head is at.
so don’t expect a weekly weigh-in as they will not be happening.
i plan to weigh myself in a month or so…
and while this has predominantly been a blog about my weight loss/fitness journey — i do plan on trying to make it a bit more well rounded.
i hope to be able to write about how freeing this new mindset of mine is…
and that maybe letting go is the key i need to truly make this a lifestyle and not just a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants diet.

my methods may not be for everyone…
but i know my past methods were not for ME!
and i just wanna live life by my terms AND be healthy and fit!
so i am trying to find out the best way to do that…
because i am always a work in progress!

peace, love AND margaritas,
cyn
xxoo

hey jupiter…

written by: mrs. duhamel
happy saturday-ness kittens!

so with the disney trip recaps behind me i HAD to make my first non-disney post about our newest family member…
MEET JUPITER THE WONDER CAT!!!!!


jupiter is a young male american shorthair that my friend lori rescued from her neighborhood and graciously asked us to adopt!
he hasn’t had his first vet visit yet so were are unsure of his exact age or his health — but he is the sweetest and most mellow kitty ever and seems to be VERY healthy!
he loves to be around people — as he clearly thinks he is one of us!
he loves to talk when he needs something.
he is a master at opening the bathroom door at the most inopportune times!
he loves to snuggle and thinks he’s a parrot on occasion!
he loves to touch by placing his paw on some part of your body just to let you know he is nearby.
he purrs so soft and sweet.
and my daughter absolutely and is obsessively in love with him!

he is a MOST welcome addition to our family — even my non cat loving son is smitten with him!
how can you not love that face?

peace, love and margaritas,
cyn
xxoo